Goodbye 2017... Hello 2018

January 4th 2018

      I'm quite impressed with my self. I've done three blogs and filled out two forms and put the right date on each of them! I will admit I caught the 2017 in the first blog of the year when I previewed it. Back in the olden times when people wrote cheques to pay their bills it seems I would always have one or two sent back because they were a year old. Now with auto this, and auto that and of course the lovely Lisa making sure that Casa Lisa is flying straight. She's a Gal with a plan! I'm just along for the ride!

      Speaking of rides. 2017 was a typical year in the lives of the lovely Lisa and myself. Lets start with the losses. We lost Halloween. For the first time in our relationship the lovely Lisa and I were too ill to do Halloween. I had pnuemonia and the lovely Lisa had bronchitis. Halloween is our favorite holiday. I was sick for about six weeks. 

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Creepy the Clown

      We were saddened with the passing of Uncle Paul Garden Gnome. A kind man who lived an ecentric lifestyle. He was always good to the lovely Lisa and I and he will be missed.

Uncle Paul Garden Gnome

        We had a busy travel year with two trips back east to New Jersey the first time to celebrate Papa Dawgs 80th birthday. We flew into Newark, picked up the rental car and made the two hour drive up to Montague NJ where Papa Dawg lives with his girlfriend Joan. We call her Saint Joan of Montague for putting up with Papa Dawg! I know that people feel the same way about the lovely Lisa and I, but I don't see it. We had a nice visit with Uncle Paul Garden Gnome and said we would see him again before we left. We never did and we never saw him again. 

      We had a great time at Papa Dawgs 80th ten or so of Papa Dawgs friends. When you get to 80 your peer group shrinks dramatically. The lovely Lisa did the catering and Joan of Montague was the picture of the perfect hostess. 

Papa Dawg 80 years old and still rockin!

Saint Joan of Montague

     The lovely Lisa and I took the train into Manhattan where we stayed with Cousin Squidly at his place in Mid Town Manhattan. three minutes from Central Park and ten minutes from Times Square. We were tourists of the first degree. Staten Island ferry, Little Italy, 911 memorial and of course Times Square.

The Statue of Lisa

The Statue of Liberty

Cousin Squidly

A beach feast at Cape May

     From there we hooked up with the Deckers and had a family reunion in Cape May the southern most point of the Jersey Show. Almost everyone was there. Uncle Charlie and Auntie Janice, Dr Dan and Liz with Julia, Papa Dawg left the confines of Montague because Saint Joan of Montague was in Florida taking care of her son Joe, and Cousin Squidly and Laura The Blade as well as Bro Steve and his friend Paul showed up for the weekend. Big fun at Cape May.

On the beach with Papa Dawg

Uncle Charlie and Dr Dan boogie boarding and scaring the crap out of Julia

On the porch with Auntie Janice and Uncle Charlie

      I have my whole year out of order. I should have started with my 60th birthday bash at the Heritage Grill. Lots of people, lots of fun, lots of music. 

     Then in May the lovely Lisa and I joined the Murray-Devlin Alaska Cruise. A great time with wonderful people.

Squatch, Stuser, Karen. Meaghan, Bobbi, Bob and the lovely Lisa

      We went on Holland America for the second time and I would recommend them to any one. There were lots of activities on board and plenty of time on shore. The time at sea at the Hubbard Glacier was amazing. The first week in May and the weather was fantastic. We all got together for team trivia and won a couple of times and we met every night in the dining room were the food was beautiful and the service first class. Besides the two Gala Nights we all dressed for dinner every night. The Ladies were all beautiful and all the Gentlemen looked dapper in jackets and ties. I wore one to dinner every night and even kept it on while dancing up a storm.

The Trivials

Meaghan and Everly

Shrimp Cocktail as many as you want!

Daryl and Braxton

       After the dining room the lovely Lisa would change into a party dress. I'll stop here for a moment to tell you about luggage on a cruise ship. You can bring as much as you want, The lovely Lisa brought 14 evening dresses, some were cocktail dresses some were gowns all of them were gorgeous and of course a seperate suitcase for shoes and bags 4 suitcases in all. I had a carry on, a garment bag for my three jackets and my backpack. Not a lot of storage in an interior cabin, or a window for that matter. I figured the only time we would be in the cabin would be to change clothes and sleep. That would be incorrect. It was like sleeping in a coffin only surrounded by empty suitcases. Next time I'll spring for a window!  Any ways The lovely Lisa would put on a shimmering party dress before we would go to the piano bar and then to the B B King Lounge where they had a smokin hot R&B Band.

The lovely Lisa ready for the night club

At the Glacier. Note the people in the pool

More Hubbard Glacier

The Boys

The Girls

At the Gala

      After the cruise we went to Jersey but I already told you about that. So next up was a wedding. A surprise wedding. Dr Dan had been seeing a wonderful woman Doctor from Baltimore for about a year her name is Liz and I got to know her better over the Easter weekend when she stayed with us and met Dr Dans daughter Julia for the first time. 

      On a Thursday night we got a call from Dr Dan "I'm marrying Liz next Tuesday at Spanish Banks...Can you make it? The lovely Lisa took the day off, we got Mama Lee into a handidart and down to Spanish Banks where a JP completed the ceremony that binds two people together witnessed by a small group of family, friends and a couple of bikers in spandex who stopped for no apparent reason. It was a perfect day. Bro Steve and I played our guitars and Jon an old friend of the family sang a Dutch wedding song. We had a reception at a joint on the harbor. We have a new sister in law and couldn't be happier about it. I don't know if she'll read this but if you do Liz, welcome to the family.

Dr Dan and Liz

Wedding Music at Spanish Banks

Joan, Liz, Dr Dan, the lovely Lisa, Jon and Mama Lee in the middle

      Then the summer got really busy. The first thing was the phone call from Papa Dawg telling us that Uncle Paul Garden Gnome had terminal cancer. They said he had only six or eight months. So we booked a trip back to New Jersey for American Thanksgiving with Papa Dawg and Joan of Montague and to say goodbye to Uncle Paul Garden Gnome. 

      Then we swung right into wedding number two. My daughter Jennifer and her husband Christian were married in Puerto Vallarta nine years ago. They decided to renew their vows in the catholic church this summer. I put on my fire retardant underwear so as not to burst into flames! The ceremony was pretty quick for a catholic thing. The reception was held in a different church hall that had no air conditioning. I was melting so I changed out of my suit and put on shorts and a Hawaiin shirt. My daughter lost her mind. "We haven't finished taking pictures yet. You still have to dance with me!" She said in a voice that made me feel sorry for Christian. It was a really good reception Jennifer had hired a Mariaci band for Christian the DJ was hot but not as hot as that room. As soon as the speeches were done and the DJ was playing. Every one was dancing.... outside on the lawn with the doors open. Christian's Mother and his brother Mario were here from Mexico and a whole flock of McDonalds descended on the west coast from Ontario. I can't find my pictures from Jen's wedding. You will just have to take my word that it happened. Same with Squatchapalisa XV.
      The next weekend was Squatchapalisa XV. Fifty pounds of meat was turned on a spit till perfection. Bill Taylor set up a kickass PA and I have to tell you I was in awe of the talent my friends have. The music went late. The potluck dishes were amazing and around 100 like minded souls filled the yard, the house and both decks were filled with peace and love. That's because our party was a 60's theme. Such a good time.
      Three weeks later we were in Vegas with our friends Andy and Mary. The highlights were the Collective Soul Concert on Freemont Street. The pool with the shark tank water slide at the Golden Nugget and the Heart Attack Grill.

Mary and Andy

The pool and shark tahk at the Golden nugget

The lovely Lisa through the shark tank

      All the times I went to Vegas I would take a picture of the outside of the Heart Attack Grill but we never went in. This time we did. What a blast. Hospital gowns on entry and everything on the menu is bad for you. It was as good a burger as I have ever had. I had a single 1/2 pound of burger. Andy had a double it was as big as his head! The waitresses are all dressed in sexy nurse costumes and if you don't finish your burger you get paddled. There was a line up of guys waiting to get spanked by the cutey pie Nurses! The noise and energy in the place is amazing. When goofy homemade videos of his staff doing burger things aren't playing, they turn down the volume so people can do Kareoke. If you weigh more than 350 pounds you eat for free. You go up on stage onto the giant scale and it shows up in giant numbers above your head. While we were there two 400 pounders got free burgers. I felt tiny at 295!

Our little person waitress was a real sweetie

Dinner for four?

See, big as his head

      Our last trip was for Thanksgiving in New Jersey with Papa Dawg and Joan of Montague. Like I said earlier They had given Uncle Paul Garden Gnome 6 - 8 months. He never made it two. We hung out in Montague with Joan and Papa Dawg for a couple of days then drove down to Bergenfeld to see Uncle Pauls kids and his ex wife. We looked at old pictures and talked about old times. I had met Kurt before but was meeting Brett and Opal for the first time. A couple of hours later we were back in Montague for Thanksgiving. Just the four of us and a really big ham. I sat around playing guitar with Papa Dawg for a day or two then we took a bite out of the big apple! Okay, maybe just a nibble.. 
           We were running out of time. We had only two full days left. We drove down to Uncle Charlies place in Bridgewater and got up early to catch the train into Penn Station Cousin Squidly was working so we were left to our own devices. We did all the Christmas windows at Saks and Macy's rode the train out to Flushing Queens for chinese dumplings. Then after Rockefeller Center we met up with Squidly and his girl Julia. We went to a pizza joint that is famous but who's name I can't remember. The pizza was great the conversation was good and Julia was charming. What's she doing with Squidly? lol! I'm kidding. Cousin Squidly is a great kid. Not that he's a kid anymore. He is however still great.
      That was the last trip of the year
      It's been interesting around here too. The lovely Lisa and I took up Kayaking and with Bro Steve and Michelle with one L we spent many sunny days paddling on the local rivers. We are both looking forward to the spring.
      Gramma Lisa has both the Grandkids skiing. We buy them passes and gear up on Cypress Mountain for the last few years. They are both naturals and just love the time they get to spend with Gramma Lisa.
      We had visits from a couple of Black Bears and a regular invasion of Raccoons. The hummingbirds were humming and a coyote was hanging around for a week or so.
       In sports the Blue Jays were sucking, the Lions played like a bunch of pussies, the Canuckle heads were knuckleheads, The Raptors were the Craptors once they got to the playoffs and the Seahawks went out without a Squawk. What I'm trying to say is find out who I'm supporting and go for the other guys!
      Christmas was Christmas. 28 for dinner. After dinner song circle and turkey everything for a week.
      I can't even begin to list the Jams and Open Mics I went to, nor would you want me to. I played with some amazing musicians and made some good friends.

And Oh yeah, I found Jesus.......He was at a party in Deep Cove

With a little luck and a lot of love for each other I'm sure that 2018 will be the best year ever!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

A night at the Opera.....Okay, the Open Mic at Judge Begbies

January 3 2018

Squatch sounds with Leon

      I'm trying to do a blog on my new phone so if things come out weird just get over it. I'm at Judge Begbies for the open mic. Bart just finished two original songs and five minutes of  jokes. Gotta love an open mic. I still have several acts in front of me. Right now a first timer named Victoria is on stage. Very nice voice. 

Victoria ...sweet voice!

Judge Begbies is one of the few venues for songwriters to play to a crowd that's listening. Gregg Gorrie who runs this open mic also runs the Monday night at the Heritage Grill. Every one gets on when Gregg's running the show. 

      Donja is on stage right now. She teaches classical guitar and plays gypsy music and sings in some Eastern European language that I don't understand. The chorus sounds like " I ate a mouse, ate a mouse, ate a mouse.!" Maybe it's a song about a cat?

Donja the Gypsy Crooner

Donja always does an excellent set. Very lively and very well played. Impossible not to tap your feet.

      The level of talent here tonight is very good. A few cover tunes but mostly originals. This guy who plays a jazzy kind of blues with a ton of chord changes. Easy to listen to.

Jazzy Blues guitar guy

I'll be up pretty soon. Whoops. I'm up now! I scurried to get my guitar out of the case and tune up so there wouldn't be too much dead air. Gregg kept talking and when he saw I was streaming live he played to the camera and gave me a big intro! Then I stood there mumbling at the mic for a couple of minutes tuning and trying to get comfortable in the tiny space that passes for the stage.Maureen and Mark the percussionist duo joined me Maureen on the cajon and Mark on tambourine and shaker. I was having an issue with stepping on my chord, crammed into the corner I kept banging my guitar on the shelf that's there and stepping on the cord. I settled in told a story about teaching our kids to love one another then played my protest song Paris. There was quite a good crowd last night, the first open mic at Judge Begbies of 2018. The response was good and I followed it up with Love Monkey, a story inspired by Elvis our five pound, 16 year old Pommypoo's love affair with a Gorilla stuffy 4 times his size. He takes the Love Monkey out for a date three or four times a week! He's like 112 people years old! People really like that song and I could hear people singing the chorus with me. For my third and last song and with my 61st birthday looming on the horizon I played the song I wrote last year for my 60th birthday Old Man in the Mirror. Again well received. I was ready to leave the set when Gregg gave me one more song. I finished with The Question I song I wrote when I woke up one morning and realised that the lovely Lisa and I had been married for 15 years and I was still crazy in love with her. Also I was in deep shit for being a dickhead about something or other. Ever since the first time I told the lovely Lisa that I loved her I have tried to ask her The Question every day. Did I tell you I love you today. For years that line bobbed around on the edge of my consciousness. For years I tried to build a tune around that phrase to no avail. Then two days before Valentines Day it was there! I woke up with it in my head and had it written by lunch. I streamed the whole set live on facebook then posted it on my page. Not the best sound but not bad for a phone.

      I hung around and listened to a couple more of the acts before I paid my tab and was home with the Ratdogs before 10. I watched four episodes of  NCIS, two of them NCIS New Orleans. I watch them because I recognize so many of the places they are filming. I love New Orleans. It's the same reason I watch Blue Bloods. In the last episode I watched they were filming in cousin Squidly's apartment building . He lives in Midtown Manhatten between Times Square and Central Park.

Cousin Squidly and his girl Julia in Times Square at Thanksgiving

      Chef Boy R Lisa was up at 1 am and I gave her a kiss as I passed her in the hall on my way to bed. I usually stay up when her call time is before 2 am. This week she works only two days because Monday was a holiday. Yay! In those two days she will work at least 25 hours. Then four days off. She is amazing! Don't tell her I said that! The lovely Lisa doesn't read my Blog so she will never know. Well, she does read it when I write something that pisses someone off and they rat me out! 

Help me Squatch! Help me!

      I have things to do today and I am off to do them!

That's all I've got

Till next time

Peace Out Y'all   

        

Poker, Pizza, Champagne and Chicken Wings

January 2, 2018

Happy New Year

      I don't know why I felt like I needed a day of rest after what only can be generously described as " a quiet New Years Eve" I'm sure not making stories like I used to. Once upon a time I would regale you with tales of past New Years but just like Woodstock, if you remember it..... you weren't there! I can recall snippets of past New Years. Very few before 2003 and one disturbing flash of me in my underwear dancing on the bar at the Anchor Inn in Campbell River. 

      What I remember in great detail were the hangovers. In 2001, my first New Years with the lovely Lisa, I was in my bed for two days and hurting for a week. The next year we went to the Legion New Years Eve Gala with Willy, Annie and a dozen other Scottish folk. We were expecting a fairly tame affair, we were older and wiser and last years post New Years Eve porcelain pukefest was still fresh in my mind. It didn't stay there for long. When the band wasn't playing the Scots were singing. Everyone had a flask and the beers were cheap...OMG I'm feeling nauseous just writing about it. New Years Eve 2003 was the last Year that the lovely Lisa and I brought in the New Year with alcohol. We went out big! Picture this...A home on the water in Deep Cove....a cajillion stairs. I was tired going down the stairs! Uncountable beers, a bottle of bubbly and most of a bottle of Vodka later we had to go back up those cajillion stairs. With the lovely Lisa and I using each other to stay erect and Bro Steve pushing from behind I manged to get up the stairs only vomiting three times. Mostly on the lovely Lisa's shoes. Three days later the lovely Lisa said "I suck at drinking, I quit!" That was fifteen years ago. She hasn't had a drink since. I have the occasional beer but no longer drink for recreational purposes. I'm not preaching here but, When I sat and reviewed my life every one of the incredibly mean, callous, hurtful or just plain stupid things I had done in my life involved alcohol. It only took me thirty years to figure it out. 

      That being said I had a fantastic New Years Eve with my daughter Jen and her husband Christian in their new home in Maple Ridge. Her best friend from Toronto flew out with her husband Matt/Mark and their daughter Anna for two weeks over Christmas. With Lisa Andretti at the wheel and the Ratdogs in the car we headed east to the boonies! We rang the doorbell....nothing We knocked on the door....nobody came. I could see Squarehead Spongepants on the upstairs TV.... I yelled at the house....nothing! I phoned Jen's cell.......no answer straight to voice mail.......Hmmmmmm what did I do to piss her off this time? I phoned the home phone.....I could hear it ringing in the house from my  spot on the frozen driveway. "Hello"came the voice on the other end of the line "We're here" I croaked out through frostbitten lips. "Why didn't you knock?"

      The door opened and all hell broke loose. Ratdogs and kids rolling in a ball, Jennifer trying to convince me the door was open and the lovely Lisa and her ten or so bags of things we may need or not need, like more cookies! And a guitar. Hugs and kisses all around then let's get down to some serious money losing! Which I did. It was a $10 buy in and we played three games. I finished third three times. Fiona was on fire! Matt/Mark won the first game both Jen and the lovely Lisa cashed so only Christian and myself failed to win anything and because he woke up with a head the size of Mexico I put myself ahead of him on the loser scale....What a maroon!

At 9 our time we watched the ball drop in Times Square we all hugged and kissed and Happy New Yeared each other then went back to the game.... which I lost. Tons of food pizza and cakes and cookies and chocolates and chicken wings. The baked goods and combustibles I had indulged in pretty much created a super highway between the things I shouldn't put in my mouth and my mouth! Just before 12 we put on Global TV to see the fireworks and bring in the New Year here at home in Vancouver. we all hugged and kissed and Happy New Yeared each other then went back to the game .....which I lost.

      We pulled into the driveway at Casa Lisa just after 2 am. I was up at 9 feeling tired but clear headed. The lovely Lisa was up back of 11 and we sat and talked about our plans for the day. Today was Chef Boy R Lisa's first day back after three weeks off. We kicked back till after 1 then went to visit Mama Lee. While the lovely Lisa was taking down most of the decorations in Mama Lee's room I was trying to figure out what she has done to her radio. All the secular stuff came down and we left the religious stuff and the little Christmas tree there.

      After the better part of an hour we went to see GMcT and Sharrie at their place in New West on our way to Taqueria Tropical for comida Mexicana. We had coffee and caught up on the events since Christmas when we last saw them. It was around 4:30 when we headed for Mexican. It was closed. Fotrtunately it's right next door to Rivers Reach...half price appies it is. Duffy was there so we joined him and his friend Hugh at their table. Lettuce wraps, chicken wings, flatbread with chorizo and goat cheese and mushroom caps for dinner. "Bama/Georgia and the Raptors on the TV. Duffy, Hugh and the lotto keeping the lovely Lisa entertained. I ask you..Does it get any better than that!? 

      We were home before 6 and the lovely lisa was in bed minutes after the front door closed on New Years Day. Her call time, 1:30 am. I binge watched the new Star Trek. Liked it. Then the last episode of the third season of Bosch also like it. The lovely Lisa got up at 1 am I gave her a peck on the cheek as I passed her in the hallway on my way to bed. I'll see her for an hour after work before she goes to bed and I go to Judge Begbies in New West to make some noise....I hope! 

      I'm back on the diet no potato, bread, rice or pasta and I did my first workout this morning. I'm so stiff and sore I can barely type.
      It's been a wonderful Holiday season this year. Full of friends and family peace and love. Oh yeah and food!

Way too much food. To everyone one who reads this and everyone who doesn't, I wish for you all the best things in 2018. Prosperity, health and happiness.

   

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

Clootie Pudding and Christmas Chaos..... Yay

December 25th 2017

Chritmas Dinner 2017

      Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Quansa/Solstice/Eid al-Fitr or whatever made up holiday floats your boat. I, like a growing number of people in the western world are largely taking the Christ out of Christmas. It has morphed into a secular event centered on guilt and consumer consumption or over consumption as it turns out. Guilt over the 60 hours a week that you work  so your loved ones can be decked out with the latest of everything to compensate for all the growing up you've missed. 

      Now that I have you all cheered up. I had a great Christmas. I was up at 8:30 and pleased to find no presents for me under the tree. This was shaping up to be a fabulous day. I couldn't find the coffee maker. The lovely Lisa has been prepping for two days already. Cranberry sauce and pickled beets made from scratch Casa Lisa sausage stuffing ready to meet the breadcrumbs and then the turkeys butt hole yum yum! Numerous root vegetables, Carrots, rutabaga, turnips, parsnips, sweet potato and squash, blanched and ready to be finished in the oven. So I made a cup of instant Jo and sat down to watch the year in review on TSN until the lovely Lisa gets out of bed. The lovely Lisa made a pot of coffee when she got up at 10. I gave her the card filled with sappy sentiments and stuffed full of scratch and sniffs. I call them that because you scratch them then you sniff back tears as the government confirms you're a loser! Ho Ho Ho

        Eleven o'clock rolled around and with it the chaos began. Jen and Christian and Fiona and Matt, formerly Mark, I only met him at Jen's wedding in August and I've been calling him Mark ever since. Anyway they showed up with the kids, Bella, Christo and Anna still in their pajamas. It was great watching them open their gifts. I had no idea what they were getting since I haven't bought a gift since 2005. They seemed suitably pleased and then they went to watch a show while Christian and Matt helped me put the living room onto the front deck and the banquet tables into the living room. We can seat 24 people in the living?Banquet room. We are expecting 30 people. I would suggest you grab a seat when the music stops or you'll be eating on your feet!

      Once I had all the furniture moved I sent them on their way. They were hung over pretty good. Matt and Fiona are visiting from Ontario so the party never stops30 minutes. I remember those days well. Making French Toast in the Murray's kitchen half lit before the first basketball game started! Rum and eggnog for breakfast then Bloody Mary's till the football game starts then onto the beer! 

      No you're not seeing double. Chef Boy R Lisa's recurring nightmare is running out of food. Never gonna happen! Two ovens full of turkey and a 15 pound ham on the BBQ. The lovely Lisa was up and down the stairs like a basting Banshee "SQUAAAAATCH! Get down here and help me flip this bird!" came the melodic warble of my beloved wife! "I'll flip you the bird from here." I said quietly under my breath. Chef Boy R Lisa cooks her turkey breast down for the first 30 minutes then she, with my assistance, flips the screaming hot bird onto it's back while I hold the even hotter roasting pan in position hoping to avoid a recurrence of the 2011 turkey fat scalding episode. The aroma starts to fill the house. Like Pavlov's dog my bell is rung! I start to salivate as the sausage stuffing joins the cornucopia of olfactory delights permeating my existence. My nasal induced reverie was shattered by the "request" that I start peeling potatoes. That's my job on these occasions when Willy and Annie are not with us. 20 pounds and two hours later I was Mr Potato head No, I was King Potato head!! I had enough potatoes to feed all of PEI!

      My brother in law Peter showed up 4 hours early. I feel bad for him because there was no one else here. Mind you Peter is socially awkward so a crowd doesn't really help. The lovely Lisa and I were very busy so he was left to his own devices.About 4 o'clock the gang started to arrive and with them came even more food. Mark and Lea brought multiple deserts Mark and Sherry brought fresh fruit and their lovely daughter Emily. Everybody brought something to the point that we had no room to put the food let alone the people. The level of noise increased expotentially when the Horde from Maple Ridge arrived. Then Michele and Ronin and Gord and Sharrie got here just as the birds were coming out of the oven. No sooner were the birds out than the root veggies went in. Already blanched they took only 15 minutes to reach perfection.

      Sherry, our sister in law and also a chef carved the turkey and the ham. The parents came and loaded the kids plates and Bro Steve put together a plate for Mama Lee. After that it was Aussie rules buffet! People were bobbing and weaving all over the place. Plates loaded with all the best stuff. The lovely Lisa made a salad. I call it the lonely salad. when you have ten veggies, ham, turkey mashed potatoes and gravy salad just doesn`t make the top ten! 

      For me the coup detat was the Clootie Pudding. An exotic mix of dried currants, raisins, molasses and beef suet boiled for hours in a pillow case and served warm with Birds Custard. Linda Gregg and her husband Dougie, pronounced Doogy in the true Scottish tradition, made it from her Mammies Recipe. I have to admit I squirreled it away putting only a wee bit out for the gang and I didn`t make the custard until boxing day...it was fabulous!

Clootie Dumpling and custard

      After dinner we took down one of the tables and with 4 guitars, a mandolin and a set of Bongoes we formed a song circle and played till about 11 o`clock. Bill taylor, Mark and Lea Sheldon, Dougie and Linda Gregg, Bro Steve and Mark Geraghty all contributed their incredible talents to our little song circle.

      I especially want to give Kudos to the lovely Lisa, the best hostess the world has ever seen. Also to Sherry Geraghty for all her help in the kitchen and to our friend Paul who did the dishes. Gord and Sharrie for being with us and Gordon Duffy for being the Johnny on the spot, jumping in whenever needed. I also want to thank Matt, Christian and Adam for drinking all the beer and eating their dinner standing up!

      I hope your Christmas was as good as mine. I hope you were able to see through all the stuff and touch each other where it counts. Not there Ya Dirty Bastards! I`m talking about inside, about bonding with the people in your life in the spirit of peace and love.

That`s all I`ve got 

Till next time 

Peace Out Yàll

      .

Ho Ho Ho or Ow Ow Ow the Christmas Slipper Saga

December 25th 2017

Gratuitous Nutmeg picture

            I'm a simple man. And I'm not talking about my mind. Though arguments to the contrary have been made. What I mean is I don't want much. Especially not things. Our house, like our lives is absolutely full. We all know that the most valuable things in life aren't things at all. Well, not material things anyway. The truly valuable things are more etheral. They can't be bought or sold they can only be given. A smile on a childs face as they play with the box the toy came in, the touch of a hand with someone you love that sends shivers through your very being. The warmth of the Yule Log on channel 9.  These things can't be bought, except the Yule Log on channel 9, $100 a month for TV! Bastards!

Grandkids opening gifts

     The Great Christmas Slipper Saga

      Like I said, I'm not into the commercial or religous aspects of Christmas. I'm not a Christian, and it's not my birthday it's probably not even Jesus's birthday so the gifting thing never made sense to me. The lovely Lisa and I have made our gift to each other our next trip for the last 16 years. The first year I bought her jewlery and perfume and clothes. None of which she used or wore except for the engagement ring. Ergo the trip thing. I have discouraged everyone from giving me gifts of things I neither want or need for many years. Except for this one time 10 years ago.

      Back to the slipper thing. Ten years ago just before Christmas I blew out a slipper! The sole of the left slipper had come apart at the toe and was flapping when I walked like a pelican eating fish. So I broke down and asked the lovely Lisa for a new pair of slippers for Christmas, Didn't happen. No slippers. I was stunned! Oh Santa why have thou forsaken me?

      I sucked it up. I put a smile on my face realising that you reap what you sow. That was until our 20 or so dinner guests arrived at which point I pontificated on the lack of Christmas slippers to one and all. Including a toast to the missing slippers at dinner. But wait! Just like late night info mercials it gets better!

      The next morning the lovely Lisa has a big box of things that needed to go down stairs in the basement. As I started down the stairs my defective sole flapping slipper that I was still wearing because Santa Lisa stiffed me, caught on the lip of the second stair and I tumbled down the remaining stairs to land in a crumpled heap at the bottom. As I pulled my self off the floor, left shoulder throbbing, I heard the lovely Lisa running to the top of the stairs. As I looked up at her face etched with concern she said "You better not have broken any of that!"

      Three weeks later on my birthday I got 23 pairs of slippers. One pair was home made out of panty liners they were kind of flimsy but you should have seen them suck up a spill! Since then I get a pair of slippers every year. Watch out for my Super Slipper Garage sale later in 2018.

      Since then I have been blessed with incredible amounts of love and friendship. The true value of Christmas. We are expecting around 30 for Christmas dinner. Chef Boy R Lisa  has been prepping and preparing for 3 days. Two turkeys are in the oven, our tenants Tamara and Chris are away for the day so we can use there oven, and the ham on the BBQ. Linda is making Clootie Dumpling and I/m so excited about it. I haven't had it since I was a kid.
      I guess what I'm trying to say is try to keep things in perspective. Cherish the moments and let all the people you love know that you love them. Share with them the gift of time. It's the only thing of value any of us have.
Peace Out and Merry Christmas from the Lovely Lisa and your ever lovin Squatch

" It beats the shit out of the alternative"

April 28th 2017

      Sitting alone at the bar surrounded by people laughing and drinking and mostly ignoring the four musicians pouring their guts out on stage doing a cover of Knights in White Satin and as at all jams it has an 11 minute guitar solo in the middle. The lovely Lisa is on her last day of whatever it is she is doing. Some short film by the guy who does the Flash series, or something .She was being kind of vague....hmmmm. She will be late tonight. They are going to wrap out the truck tonight rather than go in another day. That's when I decided to go to the Barrel Public House to make some noise. I've been here once before and the host remembered me when I walked in 45 minutes late. He had my name on the list before I got to him. Busy place and a good deal for the owners. Lots of music at no cost. Middle aged crowd. That's a Squatchism for half my age. It got me to thinking about how my mind seems to be a lot younger than my body. I don't feel old. Well at least not until I move basically any part of my body!
       Right now Willie Hardie of Willy and the Rented Mules is belting out a sad country tune.  The people are digging it.  Even a couple of grinders on the dance floor. It's that kind of joint. The music ranges from old school country to 80s guitar heavy power metal. I know a few of the players and should be able to put together a pretty good band for my set.
      Back to growing old. Not that I have any choice. Minute by minute, hour by hour we are all getting older. And as someone much smarter than me once said " It beats the shit out of the alternative" I'm sure that's true but some days the alternative seems like a viable option. Usually the day after I do something physical. Like today. Today I cleaned up the alley. A winters worth of pine branches and needles. Then I stopped to go take Mama Lee to the dentist. When I got there I found out Mama Lee wasn't going anywhere. She had been on anti biotic for a while but came off them last week. She was back on them again when she woke with a horrible wet cough. I tried to call the Taxi  and the dentist but her Care Facility must have lead lined walls. I can't get a signal anywhere near that building. I used Mama Lee's phone to call and leave a message at the dentist. I wasn't able to get through to the taxi company besides the taxi driver showed up just moments later. I tipped him 5 bucks and sent him on his way. Mama Lee's personal assistant Victoria came in while I was there. Apparently she now works 3 days a week with Mama Lee. 2 hours a day. I must have missed the memo. We were supposed to be at the Dentist. I got back to the house just in time to get the phone call from the dentist. "Where is Emilee?" It seems the receptionist went home sick and that's why it went to the voice mail which they never checked. They've been my dentist for years and have always been honest and fair with me. This was supposed to be Mama Lee's second visit for a small cavity. Along with the lung infection Mama Lee has gotten it into her head that they are going to pull out all her teeth and she wasn't keen on going anyway. Well, that's a fight for another day.
      A quick bite and I was lawn boy. I think the cold snowy winter took care of the chafer beetle problem to a large extent. I'm not a lawn nut. Short and green is good enough for me. There's a lot of moss and a lot of weeds but from the right angle it looks like grass. It takes about an hour to do the back lawn not counting excess reality breaks. The last week or so it has been raining overnight then clearing up and beautiful by late morning. You can actually see the grass growing day by day. This is the third time I've mowed the back. I've only done the front once. That's because I ran out of gas and it took me a week to go get more. 3 times I had the gas can in the car and 3 times I took it out after driving past numerous gas stations and choking on the fumes from the mostly empty gas can rolling around in the back of the Rav 4. I finally got the gas and did the front and back on Wednesday. Yesterday, just the back and now it's raining again. Oh well!
      I ate a dinner of almond crusted sole and a salad while I watched a hockey/basketball/baseball game. I love my multiple recall. The only game I cared about was the Jays game and they blew a 3 run lead in the 8th and lost 7-4. Man we suck this year!
      The lovely Lisa called. Lunch was pushed on her show   and they were going to wrap out the truck tonight. She wouldn't be home till the wee hours. I wasn't planning to go out tonight but I didn't want to sit home watching the tube by myself. It's about half an hour to the Barrel Public House from Casa Lisa if you take the toll bridge.
      I took the Calle Libre also known as the long way around. I'm one of those idiots who will burn $3 worth of fuel to avoid the $3 toll. I consider it a moral victory. I was at the bar for a couple of hours and a couple of beers before I was up. I saw Dave Daoust in the crowd and asked him to play lead guitar. In a strange kind of kharmatic indifference both the bass player and the drummer were named Kelly Armstrong. I joked we were the David Kelly Quartet. Someone asked what's a quartet. It was pointed out that nobody has been a quartet since the 50s. Man I'm old. We played well together even putting feet on the dance floor. After my set and a few minutes trolling for compliments, I quaffed my last 2 fingers of now tepid beer, paid my tab and slipped slowly into the night. Going the long way home to save the toll. That'll teach em!

P.S: I have been excessively lazy in the picture taking department. You'll have to use your visualization skills.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Stamped on your ass like a can of beans!

April 26th 2017


      The Fat Bastard may be done but my mind still needs the release of endorphins I get when a thought gets stuck in my brain. It germinates and then ruminates in my subconcious. Reducing my thoughts to a mash of possibilities/probabilities and then I slowly strain out the noise and nonsense and come to what appears to be clarity. That's when I need to sit down and put my thoughts and feelings and madness to paper so they become real. "A thought that's left unspoken can never be proven true" That's a line from one of my songs that has no music...yet. And that's what this Blog is about. Random Thoughts and Meaningless Gestures. No chronology or outline just stuff!
      Today was a day of music and reflection. I manged to ignore the giant pile of laundry in the bedroom by closing the closet door and sat in the living room watching the Excited States implode right before my very eyes. That is if you watch MSNBC. If one more elected lunatic calls Trump Hitler I might just gas myself! A guy from Queens who builds things and a maniac who exterminated 7 million people! The comparison is obvious. While that's going on with the left the right, courtesy of FOX News are pounding Obama for taking $400 k to speak at a Wall Street Function after stating unequivically that he would not be "Going to Wall Street" Bet that's got Bernies panties in a knot! Hillary's okay with it! As long as she gets a taste! Does that seem overly cynical? Good! I meant it that way. I am stunned and dismayed at the lack of intelligent discourse being shown by everyone involved but the hate and venom coming from the left is appalling. They actually make that sleezebag Trump look good by comparison.
      Michelle with one L was looking after her Grandson Evan today. Bright kid who really likes music. We palyed a few songs but what he really likes is to sing with a microphone and a lot of delay. I told him it was broken. Is it bad to lie to a kid who's not yours. I know you lie to your own kids all the time. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Mum and Uncle Ernie where just wrestling in the bushes at the family picinic! Then he and Michelle with one L baked a cake and heated up a can of beans' not necesarrily in that order. That was my motivation to leave. I wanted to be gone before the cake was out of the oven and the beans started working on Evans digestive track.
       After a couple of hours of yelling at the TV and enough coffee to swell my prostate to the size of a canteloupe I decided to spread my joy and music to the residents of Mama Lee's care facility. So with giant pile of laundry completely out of my mind and behind closed doors and the perculating Evan just finishing up his beanfest, I harnessed up the hounds, okay Ratdogs. Guitar in one hand and bucket of compost in the other I headed out dumped the compost and dragged my cans back onto the property lest I suffer another $500 fine from the Garbage Nazi's. I stopped at the park and let the Ratdogs do their thing. The sun came out about 11 am and it was turning out to be a beauty of a spring day. The Poop Fairy hit the Ratdogs like they were synchronized swimmers. I don't know why but I always feel like I won something when I can pick up 2 poops with one bag. "It smells like Victory" I always take the Ratdogs to the park before going to see Mama Lee. I don't need Elvis peeing on some old ladies wheelchair or Nutmeg leaving a McNugget in some ones room!
      They were just finishing lunch when I got there I sat and talked to Mama Lee while she finished her lunch and set up in the main room at about 12:30. When I say set up I mean I take off my jacket and tune my guitar. No amp, no microphone just me and my 50 year old classical guitar. Love those nylon strings. I have a nice Fender amp that I could play and sing through but I think that singing loud enough for 40 octagenarians to hear me is helping my singing. I see some of them tapping their feet or clapping, sort of. It's not always in time to the music so I'm not sure if the music moves them or if that's just their affliction. Elvis and Nutmeg work the room pretty good during lunch. I think all the residents feed them. Nutmeg is pushing 8 pounds but Elvis is maintaining his Squirrel fighting weight of 4 pounds 11 ounces. Let's just call that one of those random thoughts! I started out playing Marguerita Ville as I usually do to an entirely empty room. The Care Aides started pushing people over in my direction  and I soon had a couple of dozen residents apparently enjoying the music. On the third song I noticed that Mama Lee had gotten herself stuck against the door jamb and was trying to get free. I finished the song and rescued Mama Lee. With Mama Lee sitting center stage I played song after song from my Not Dead Yet song book. I play mostly 60's and 70's stuff. That would make most of the residents in their 20's in 1960. The first generation of rock and rollers! And of course everybody loves Elvis! Elvis Presley too! Three times Elvis stood up to say hello to the woman beside me. Three times she tried to pick him up but wasn't strong enough. I reached over and picked him up and put him on her lap. He settled in like he belonged there. She was glowing as she petted him and her smile never quit. Elvis sat there in her lap for over an hour. That is so not Elvis. He's 15 and a cranky old man! I know this he got it from Me! Looking out at the faces of these people as they wind down their lives, broken in body and mind. To a person, smiling up at me from the restrictions of their wheelchairs or the restrictions of their minds. I often wonder if they enjoy the music or just enjoy the break in the tedium that is their lives. I don't care either way. This could easily be the meaningless gesture part of the show. If I can give these people a few moments of enjoyment after the 90 or so years they gave this country I'm happy to do it. Even if the memory leaves them as soon as I do. I played until 2 pm, 30 minutes past bingo time. Nobody cared and most of the 56 residents were there by the time I finished. Trust me you don't want to be cutting into bingo time! I took Mama Lee down to her room and set up her radio and got her prayer books organised. Her and a bunch of like minded souls pray every day at 3 pm. They think that by all praying at the same time God will be able to hear them better. What if God thinks they're yelling at him? " You're yelling at me? You're yelling at ME?!!" " Fuck you! Here's a tsunami!" " Yell at me will you? Nobody yells at Me!"  Just saying! Hey, read the Old Testament. Between the begettings there was not a lot of warm and fuzzies. Politics and Religion what levels have I sunk to?
      I went home by way of Mundy Park where the Ratdogs ran around peeing on stuff for ten minutes or so. I was just pulling out of the parking lot when the Pound Van pulled in. I'm going to give you the Readers Digest version of the rest of the afternoon. I made dinner. Squatch Fake Baked Fried Chicken, home cut fries and cole slaw. I have been tweaking my recipe for a while now and I think it's just about perfect.
      I had dinner on the table when the lovely Lisa walked through the door after work. She is on hiatus from OUAT until July so Nin, her boss, asked her to do a week on a short film and she agreed. The lovely Lisa and Michelle with one L raved about the meal. I'll do a What's cooking Squatch? video next time I make it. The lovely Lisa had just come from seeing Mama Lee and said they were still talking about show and the dogs and when was I coming back so maybe some of them do remeber. After dinner, with the lovely Lisa ensconced on the couch and a 10 am call time I decided to go to the open Mic at the Pressbox Lounge at the Atrium Hotel in Vancouver. It's my first time at this acoustic open mic. I've gone to their Sunday Jam a couple of times but I really prefer an open mic. I want to play my own songs. I don't get the same buzz from jamming. Any way I get there just before 8 and stopped dead when I walked through the door.Pardon the pun. I walked into the middle of a memorial service. I hadn't even brushed my hair! I looked like the offspring of Albert Einstein and an angora guinea pig! Plus I was wearing my bright orange BC Lions (Roar) Jersey. Thank God the lovely Lisa made me put pants on. I was wearing sweats and they had a caulk stain on the thigh. Write your own joke. So I threw on my jeans. Everyone was in black. I was the preverbial stiff dick at the wedding. A guy came up as I was about to leave and told me the Open mic was going to start shortly. I made my way to the far end of the bar and ordered a beer. There was only one other person not greiving John the former Handyman at the hotel. It had just ended and the guests were milling around catching up and noshing on some appies. I was still full of Squatch Fake Baked Fried Chicken so I didn't even try to poach a single potato skin. The guy at the bar turned out to be a guy I did an Audi commercial with years ago. We were bikers. I know, hard to believe Huh? They started the show with most of the guests still talking and catching up. I couldn't hear a thing so I watched the Oilers beat the Ducks. Yesss! Three groups had hit the stage when the host said are you ready? Yes I am ....not. As I took my guitar out of the case the electrics fell into the guitar rendering it electronically impotent! I love that guitar I knew it had an issue and I took it a couple of places and was told to buy a new guitar. If I buy another guitar I'll be living in the street. Not counting the Lap Steel I have 6 guitars. I have only 2 hands. I borrowed a guitar and hit the stage. Just before coming to the stage I met Jennifer. She was the Bartender the first 2 times I was at the Press Box. She was also John the dead guy's girlfriend. The bar was still loud when I got to the stage. I tuned up and started talking about losing someone close to you. I told them about the year I lost Barb, Henry and Scott all in one winter. By the time I started It Didn't Rain, I had the rooms attention. It's much easier for me to sing it when I don't know the person. I finished the song with a dedication to John. I didn't give them a chance to break into discussion groups I kept talking and spun out the story of the Question about being in love for 15 years and about using the song to get out of trouble with the lovely Lisa. I finished with Walls Aroun d Your Heart because I think it's the best thing I ever wrote and it's never a bad idea to make a good first impression. Jennifer was waiting when I got off the stage. Thanked me for the song and gave me a big hug. I finished my second beer and headed for the door. All the way home I was thinking about life and death and the fine line that keeps us above ground. Like my good Buddy Mike Adams says "Ever
y day above ground is a Good Day" Here John is dead at 31 and Agnes who is 96 and not with us, is still with us. I'm not trying to figure out what's fair and what's not fair. I don't think it's part of the equation. The circle is complete. We all have an expiry date. It's just not stamped on your ass like a can of beans!

Peace Out Y'all
That's all I've got
Till next time

And my spell check isn't working so .... too bad