Stamped on your ass like a can of beans!

April 26th 2017


      The Fat Bastard may be done but my mind still needs the release of endorphins I get when a thought gets stuck in my brain. It germinates and then ruminates in my subconcious. Reducing my thoughts to a mash of possibilities/probabilities and then I slowly strain out the noise and nonsense and come to what appears to be clarity. That's when I need to sit down and put my thoughts and feelings and madness to paper so they become real. "A thought that's left unspoken can never be proven true" That's a line from one of my songs that has no music...yet. And that's what this Blog is about. Random Thoughts and Meaningless Gestures. No chronology or outline just stuff!
      Today was a day of music and reflection. I manged to ignore the giant pile of laundry in the bedroom by closing the closet door and sat in the living room watching the Excited States implode right before my very eyes. That is if you watch MSNBC. If one more elected lunatic calls Trump Hitler I might just gas myself! A guy from Queens who builds things and a maniac who exterminated 7 million people! The comparison is obvious. While that's going on with the left the right, courtesy of FOX News are pounding Obama for taking $400 k to speak at a Wall Street Function after stating unequivically that he would not be "Going to Wall Street" Bet that's got Bernies panties in a knot! Hillary's okay with it! As long as she gets a taste! Does that seem overly cynical? Good! I meant it that way. I am stunned and dismayed at the lack of intelligent discourse being shown by everyone involved but the hate and venom coming from the left is appalling. They actually make that sleezebag Trump look good by comparison.
      Michelle with one L was looking after her Grandson Evan today. Bright kid who really likes music. We palyed a few songs but what he really likes is to sing with a microphone and a lot of delay. I told him it was broken. Is it bad to lie to a kid who's not yours. I know you lie to your own kids all the time. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Mum and Uncle Ernie where just wrestling in the bushes at the family picinic! Then he and Michelle with one L baked a cake and heated up a can of beans' not necesarrily in that order. That was my motivation to leave. I wanted to be gone before the cake was out of the oven and the beans started working on Evans digestive track.
       After a couple of hours of yelling at the TV and enough coffee to swell my prostate to the size of a canteloupe I decided to spread my joy and music to the residents of Mama Lee's care facility. So with giant pile of laundry completely out of my mind and behind closed doors and the perculating Evan just finishing up his beanfest, I harnessed up the hounds, okay Ratdogs. Guitar in one hand and bucket of compost in the other I headed out dumped the compost and dragged my cans back onto the property lest I suffer another $500 fine from the Garbage Nazi's. I stopped at the park and let the Ratdogs do their thing. The sun came out about 11 am and it was turning out to be a beauty of a spring day. The Poop Fairy hit the Ratdogs like they were synchronized swimmers. I don't know why but I always feel like I won something when I can pick up 2 poops with one bag. "It smells like Victory" I always take the Ratdogs to the park before going to see Mama Lee. I don't need Elvis peeing on some old ladies wheelchair or Nutmeg leaving a McNugget in some ones room!
      They were just finishing lunch when I got there I sat and talked to Mama Lee while she finished her lunch and set up in the main room at about 12:30. When I say set up I mean I take off my jacket and tune my guitar. No amp, no microphone just me and my 50 year old classical guitar. Love those nylon strings. I have a nice Fender amp that I could play and sing through but I think that singing loud enough for 40 octagenarians to hear me is helping my singing. I see some of them tapping their feet or clapping, sort of. It's not always in time to the music so I'm not sure if the music moves them or if that's just their affliction. Elvis and Nutmeg work the room pretty good during lunch. I think all the residents feed them. Nutmeg is pushing 8 pounds but Elvis is maintaining his Squirrel fighting weight of 4 pounds 11 ounces. Let's just call that one of those random thoughts! I started out playing Marguerita Ville as I usually do to an entirely empty room. The Care Aides started pushing people over in my direction  and I soon had a couple of dozen residents apparently enjoying the music. On the third song I noticed that Mama Lee had gotten herself stuck against the door jamb and was trying to get free. I finished the song and rescued Mama Lee. With Mama Lee sitting center stage I played song after song from my Not Dead Yet song book. I play mostly 60's and 70's stuff. That would make most of the residents in their 20's in 1960. The first generation of rock and rollers! And of course everybody loves Elvis! Elvis Presley too! Three times Elvis stood up to say hello to the woman beside me. Three times she tried to pick him up but wasn't strong enough. I reached over and picked him up and put him on her lap. He settled in like he belonged there. She was glowing as she petted him and her smile never quit. Elvis sat there in her lap for over an hour. That is so not Elvis. He's 15 and a cranky old man! I know this he got it from Me! Looking out at the faces of these people as they wind down their lives, broken in body and mind. To a person, smiling up at me from the restrictions of their wheelchairs or the restrictions of their minds. I often wonder if they enjoy the music or just enjoy the break in the tedium that is their lives. I don't care either way. This could easily be the meaningless gesture part of the show. If I can give these people a few moments of enjoyment after the 90 or so years they gave this country I'm happy to do it. Even if the memory leaves them as soon as I do. I played until 2 pm, 30 minutes past bingo time. Nobody cared and most of the 56 residents were there by the time I finished. Trust me you don't want to be cutting into bingo time! I took Mama Lee down to her room and set up her radio and got her prayer books organised. Her and a bunch of like minded souls pray every day at 3 pm. They think that by all praying at the same time God will be able to hear them better. What if God thinks they're yelling at him? " You're yelling at me? You're yelling at ME?!!" " Fuck you! Here's a tsunami!" " Yell at me will you? Nobody yells at Me!"  Just saying! Hey, read the Old Testament. Between the begettings there was not a lot of warm and fuzzies. Politics and Religion what levels have I sunk to?
      I went home by way of Mundy Park where the Ratdogs ran around peeing on stuff for ten minutes or so. I was just pulling out of the parking lot when the Pound Van pulled in. I'm going to give you the Readers Digest version of the rest of the afternoon. I made dinner. Squatch Fake Baked Fried Chicken, home cut fries and cole slaw. I have been tweaking my recipe for a while now and I think it's just about perfect.
      I had dinner on the table when the lovely Lisa walked through the door after work. She is on hiatus from OUAT until July so Nin, her boss, asked her to do a week on a short film and she agreed. The lovely Lisa and Michelle with one L raved about the meal. I'll do a What's cooking Squatch? video next time I make it. The lovely Lisa had just come from seeing Mama Lee and said they were still talking about show and the dogs and when was I coming back so maybe some of them do remeber. After dinner, with the lovely Lisa ensconced on the couch and a 10 am call time I decided to go to the open Mic at the Pressbox Lounge at the Atrium Hotel in Vancouver. It's my first time at this acoustic open mic. I've gone to their Sunday Jam a couple of times but I really prefer an open mic. I want to play my own songs. I don't get the same buzz from jamming. Any way I get there just before 8 and stopped dead when I walked through the door.Pardon the pun. I walked into the middle of a memorial service. I hadn't even brushed my hair! I looked like the offspring of Albert Einstein and an angora guinea pig! Plus I was wearing my bright orange BC Lions (Roar) Jersey. Thank God the lovely Lisa made me put pants on. I was wearing sweats and they had a caulk stain on the thigh. Write your own joke. So I threw on my jeans. Everyone was in black. I was the preverbial stiff dick at the wedding. A guy came up as I was about to leave and told me the Open mic was going to start shortly. I made my way to the far end of the bar and ordered a beer. There was only one other person not greiving John the former Handyman at the hotel. It had just ended and the guests were milling around catching up and noshing on some appies. I was still full of Squatch Fake Baked Fried Chicken so I didn't even try to poach a single potato skin. The guy at the bar turned out to be a guy I did an Audi commercial with years ago. We were bikers. I know, hard to believe Huh? They started the show with most of the guests still talking and catching up. I couldn't hear a thing so I watched the Oilers beat the Ducks. Yesss! Three groups had hit the stage when the host said are you ready? Yes I am ....not. As I took my guitar out of the case the electrics fell into the guitar rendering it electronically impotent! I love that guitar I knew it had an issue and I took it a couple of places and was told to buy a new guitar. If I buy another guitar I'll be living in the street. Not counting the Lap Steel I have 6 guitars. I have only 2 hands. I borrowed a guitar and hit the stage. Just before coming to the stage I met Jennifer. She was the Bartender the first 2 times I was at the Press Box. She was also John the dead guy's girlfriend. The bar was still loud when I got to the stage. I tuned up and started talking about losing someone close to you. I told them about the year I lost Barb, Henry and Scott all in one winter. By the time I started It Didn't Rain, I had the rooms attention. It's much easier for me to sing it when I don't know the person. I finished the song with a dedication to John. I didn't give them a chance to break into discussion groups I kept talking and spun out the story of the Question about being in love for 15 years and about using the song to get out of trouble with the lovely Lisa. I finished with Walls Aroun d Your Heart because I think it's the best thing I ever wrote and it's never a bad idea to make a good first impression. Jennifer was waiting when I got off the stage. Thanked me for the song and gave me a big hug. I finished my second beer and headed for the door. All the way home I was thinking about life and death and the fine line that keeps us above ground. Like my good Buddy Mike Adams says "Ever
y day above ground is a Good Day" Here John is dead at 31 and Agnes who is 96 and not with us, is still with us. I'm not trying to figure out what's fair and what's not fair. I don't think it's part of the equation. The circle is complete. We all have an expiry date. It's just not stamped on your ass like a can of beans!

Peace Out Y'all
That's all I've got
Till next time

And my spell check isn't working so .... too bad

One day at a time

December 13, 2015


      They took the bandages off my chest yesterday. I may have to switch my halloween costume from Creepy the Clown to Frankinsquatch! When I look down at the 10 inch scar on my chest I thought I was going to puke.- Brianna my nurse told me not to worry that it would fade. She also said wait until you see your legs tomorrow! Man did she hit that nail on the head. I don't think anything could have prepared me for what I saw when they took the bandages off. It looks like my dreams of speedo are long gone. As awful as it looks I know that these are just physical scars. They will heal.
      What they don't tell you about is the emotional turmoil you will go through. I don't think I've ever cried this much. I think it's only natural that when you glimpse  your own mortality you have these kind of responses. When you look down the end of your bed and see your wife and your daughter doing their best to be brave. When you see your five year old grandson clinging to his father. Bella who is 7 tried to show  Christo how to write a get well card. He wasn't having any of that. No Bella I want to tell the Doctor to help Papa. But it's not just when they're there in front of me it's all the time when I think back on my life on the good and the bad, On the people that have been in it and out of it. I weep. I guess at times my heart has been broken both literally and figuratively. While I'm feeling all mushy and sentimental. Before my testicles grow back. I want to apologize to everyone who I've harmed. And those who have grown close to me to know that I love you all so much. But the truth is just like Willie Nelson said
I've got a long list of real good reasons for all the things I've done. I've  got a record In the back of my mind of what I've lost and what I've won. I could cry for the time I've wasted but that's a waste of time and tears. Regret is just a memory that's written on my brow.But there's nothing I can do about it now.
      We are all the sum of everything that we have ever done of everything that has ever happened to us. I wish I had learned to love more when I was younger. Now that I have a new lease on life I will try to be a better person. To say I'm grateful to be here to share the lives of my grandchildren and all of you is an understatement. And hopefully I'll get over these feelings and stop being a big whiny pussy.
That's all I got
Till next time

Time or timing?

December 8, 2015

      A shot of nitro, a shot of morphine, 2 adavan and when the bloodsuckers came to get their crimson reward at 3:30 a.m. I was still unable to sleep. I don't seem to be able to turn my mind off. I did finally manage to catch some sleep but I was awake by 6 a.m. fully expecting the cardiac surgeon to be here sitting at the end of my bed waiting to crack me open. Alas it was not to be. Instead at 8 o'clock they brought me my breakfast a sure sign that they would not be operating anytime soon. They don't feed you when you're going to have surgery. I was to say the least, disappointed. Not about the lack of surgeon, but by the breakfast they brought me!

2 hard boiled eggs, luke warm coffee, orange juice and skim milk. As far as I'm concerned, none of the food groups! I did a few crosswords, read some more of my giant Tom Clancy novel and waited for Dr Kildare to come save me. ( anyone remember Dr Kildare?) Dammit I'm old! Instead my son in law Christian walked through the door. We talked football, Mexican football that is. You know, the kind where you kick the ball with your foot. Not the kind the BC Lions suck at! Mexico plays Canada in a qualifier in March and we want to go. He hung out for close to an hour. The whole time smiling and keeping things upbeat. It was kind of creepy really. Who smiles for that long? I know it's because I said I hate lying in a hospital bed looking out at sad worried faces. He looked like a Mexican cab driver trying to pry a big tip out of a gringo he just drove in circles for 40 minutes! He finally said " should I go now?" "Are you still here " I said. I truly appreciate the effort but I felt like I was holding him against his will!
      Shortly after he left the lovely Lisa arrived with the news that my best friend Stu missed his flight from Comox and Nutmeg.

Stu's wife Karen called to say he was driving down to Nanaimo to catch the Harbor Air flight that got into Vancouver at noon. It was 1130. Off went the lovely Lisa to meet Stu.
      Then came let down number 2.... Lunch!
Salisbury Steak it said on the menu. Hamburger Patty with canned gravy and cubed turnip is what arrived. I ate the burger and a salad that the lovely Lisa brought to me yesterday. The let down was knowing they weren't going to crack me open today. The surgeon does 2 procedures a day. 1 morning, 1 afternoon. Well, maybe tomorrow. Soon I hope.
      Shortly thereafter all hell broke loose! Willy, Wee Davey and Caroline came in with a box of mandarin oranges and a hot coffee.

      Then my old friend René came waltzing in with a couple of cool music magazines.

A 3 chord song book and the ramblings of one of Canada's favorite Celebutards. Just because you write great songs doesn't mean you have the answers to global warming! Just saying.
 To say things got loud would be an understatement! Willy and René new each other from our days hanging out at
Jake O' Grady' s back in the early 90' s. Everyone was talking at the same time catching up. Caroline and Wee Davey are visiting from Scotland and had just got back from a quick jaunt to Alberta. I was so glad they could stop in and see me. They are off to the Island tomorrow before flying home next Tuesday. It was like Saturday night at the pub in my room. Truthfully these are the best kind of hospital visitors. We had plenty of laughs and then they were gone.Leaving me with a smile on my face and a little less worry in my head.
      As good as that was seeing Stu come into my room was even better. He lives in Campbell River and we don't get to see each other very often. We talked books, football and family, pretty much in that order. I was surprised he was able to get away. The pub where he works recently changed hands and his youngest daughter Allie is moments away from popping out her first child. Stu is like me about babies. Bring them to me when they're walking and talking! I'm not interested when they're poopy smelling cry machines! Potty trained and walking,that's for me. I don't like holding babies so when someone gives me one I pinch them hard on their little asses. They cry, Mom takes them away never to be held by Papa Squatch again!
      The lovely Lisa had to do some running around and no sooner did she leave when the surgeon's resident showed up to get my information. Several dozen questions later he had all the answers he needed. I had none of the answers I needed. Mind you I only had one question. WHEN?? His answer, maybe this week!! The rate they're giving me Morphine I'll be a junky by the time they fix me!

      The lovely Lisa came back with dinner about the same time as the hospital dinner and Jennifer arrived. The lovely Lisa brought meats and cheeses and salad. The hospital brought meatballs and brown gravy that was strangely reminiscent of lunches Salisbury Steak. Stu ate it. I had cheese and salami and salad.

      Shortly after dinner I all of a sudden felt very tired. Everyone left and its the quietest it's been all day. It's 10 pm now and the Morphine is kicking in. I'm not crazy about how it makes me feel. Itchy!

      Any way I'm living in Limbo until I get my triple bypass. I hope it happens soon. There are only so many interesting things that can happen in a 4 bed cardio ward.

That's all I've got

Till next time

Peace out Y'all

Blood Suckers, bedpans and a steady flow of traffic

December 7,2015

      "You just lie there and rest" that's what every nurse I have had has said. Then they come in a steady stream to make sure you can't actually rest. On my fourth day in the hospital I now have more holes in me than a wlffle ball! The Blood Sucker Brigade have been on me like a monkey on a cupcake. Every 4 hours they have been drawing blood. They're cranking me full of a blood thinner called Heparin trying to get my blood to the proper consistency necessary to do the procedure. Evidently my blood is too thick. Which is odd because I have been on Plavix, a powerful blood thinner, for 12 years! You would think that they would have some kind of spout the could stick in you. Instead of making a new hole every time. Both arms and the back of both hands are bloodless and bruised. All the holes in me reminds me of an old joke.
      A Guy goes to the doctor. He says" Doc, I'm having trouble peeing. When I went to take a leak it was squirting all over the place." The Doctor takes a look at hi joint and says "it's full of holes!" The guy says       " I'm a dart player and I carry my darts in my pocket " The doctor writes something on his prescription pad and hands it to him. On the paper is a name. "Thank God Doc,
 is this a specialist?" The Doctor said "No, he's a piccolo player he'll show you how to hold it!" Bada Bing!
      When the Blood Suckers aren't sucking you dry the nurses are checking vitals,blood pressure, temperature and cramming me full of pills. They even woke me up to ask me how I felt. I said I felt like slapping her for waking me up! I was asleep by midnight and between the Blood Suckers, nurses and my tiny bladder I was up 4 times before 5. I've been up ever since.
     I've read 40 pages of my book, did a crossword and started writing this. My nurse today is a guy named Lucas, he's a weight lifter who looks like he could bench press me! I'm sure he's a good nurse but I still prefer my little Phillapina nurse Rowena, just in case they need to check my prostate. Lucas has hands like an NBA player!
      Speaking of my ass. The Poop Fairy is being less than cooperative. She finally arrived on day 3. I told the nurse I needed to make Boom Boom so she brought me a bedpan. Now here's a visualization nobody needs. A 270 pound man perched atop a plastic bedpan trying not to strain! You're welcome!
      That wasn't going to happen. I would shit my pants first. "Oh nurse, clean up aisle  Squatchy!!" On the upsides my heart monitor is Blue Tooth so I only have to worry about the I V. Against the wishes of my tiny Phillapina nurse Rowena I unplugged my I V from the wall socket and went to the bathroom. Resigned to my bad behaviour, she brought me a face cloth, towel and a fresh ass crack robe. It  took a long time for the Poop Fairy to do her duty,and for me to do my doody! I couldn't push without chest pain. It was like that old Heinze Ketchup commercial. Anticipation, it's making me wait! Enough about Boom Boom.
      When I went to wash up I couldn't get my ass crack robe off over the I V. So much for general cleanliness! I did manage to give myself a thorough washing and made my way back to my bed.
      It's been like Grand Central Station here. Albert from Surrey has been my roommate since I got here. He was a little bit out of it when he got here and he kept  trying to get out of bed, which he wasn't supposed to do because of the catheter they had just put in him. He has had a never ending stream of visitors. They are going to move him to Surrey General Hospital while he is waiting for a triple bypass.
      I interrupt this mindless exercise in literary idiocy to bring you a picture of my breakfast that just arrived.

      Yum yum! NOT!!!!!
      Back to what I was saying. I met Albert's son and his wife. He was wearing a Seahawks hat and is a big fan. We talked for a while and I had everyone laughing until Albert started clutching his chest. I tell ya, I was killing!!
On day two they brought in an East Indian gentleman who not only has a heart issue but had to go for dyalisis for 4 hours. When he returned he brought half of South Surrey with him. He and his family where very nice but very loud. It was okay. I cranked my headphones up to stun and all was good.
      The lovely Lisa arrived with my dinner about 6:30. Chicken drumsticks made with five spice powder and who knows what other secret Chef Boy R Lisa ingredients. Gord McT stopped in for a visit and went home with some of Chef Boy R Lisa's grub. After Gord left the lovely Lisa went down to the car and snuck Elvis into the room. I wish everyone was that happy to see me.             Here's the thing about visitors to the hospital. I don't like it. I find nothing comforting about lying in a hospital bed looking at the people you love the most with such a look of concern on their faces. I said that to the lovely Lisa, she told me to shut the fuck up! It's not all about you Asshole! Damn I love that woman! She brought me another card this one from our tenant Matty. He took time out from his seventh birthday celebration to make this for me.

That's how the front of the hose looks to a 7 year old.m

      About 8 the Paramedics showed up to take Albert to Surrey. He has a 7 day wait for his surgery. I hope I don't have to wait that long!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Creamed corn and mushy peas

 December 6, 2015

     I want to start by apologizing to anyone  who is unduly worried about my health. I didn't write yesterday's blog looking for attention or sympathy. I wrote it because it has become my mechanism for releasing stress and pressure. A sort of literary venting. I most definitely appreciate all the kind wishes and good thoughts. After a year of Who's a Fat Bastard blog l have  come to realize how therapeutic putting your thoughts down on paper can be. Or in this case talking to my phone. There's no Wi-Fi at the hospital so I'm using up my data and it takes a while to download pictures.
      The lovely Lisa  brought my CPAP late yesterday afternoon so I could sleep and we had dinner together. The hospital dinner was creamed corn, mushy peas and something that was reputed to be a beef stir fry but looked more like beef vomit. Chef Boy R  Lisa, caterer supreme, brought me pork loin, coleslaw and salad, yummy!
      The nurses have been great and I'm in a four bed room in the cardio ward waiting for my Angio Gram. My cardiologists said they're going to go in and take a look around. He told me he has read my file and doesn't know if another stent will be appropriate. He started talking about bypass and I didn't want to hear about it. I said just wait and see what's going on before we make any decisions.
      I will, of course do that if that's what has to be done but I don't want to. I figure if the Wizard can give the Tinman a heart without cracking him open like a walnut, hey, WTF!!
     I slept like a baby last night and woke up about 0600 feeling refreshed and ready for anything. That is anything besides the food they brought me. I drank the lukewarm coffee, ate a banana and an orange that the lovely Lisa had brought me yesterday and sent the rest of the crap back to whatever hell they dragged it out of.
      Jen and Christian came by with the Grandkids mid morning. Bella and Christian made me get well cards.

Bella was okay, talkative and energetic as always but Christopher was silent and clinging to his father. He looked so worried. I kept it upbeat and positive. I must must've told him a dozen times that they were going to fix Papa up no problem. When they left I took their cards into the bathroom and had a little cry. The thought of not being around to see them grow up is more than I can stand.
      At lunch time the lovely Lisa showed up with more goodies. A cup of tuna salad and some lettuce leaves for wraps as well as more coleslaw. Man, I won the lottery when I tricked her into marrying me. While we were eating our lunch the orderly brought in the hospital lunch. I never even looked at it. They are aware that I do high protein, low carbohydrate and that I am diabetic. It doesn't seem to make any difference. My breakfast this morning consisted of yogurt with 14 grams of sugar, oatmeal with brown sugar and a glass of orange juice which is essentially a glass of sugar. The orderly didn't even blink when I told her to take it away I guess I'm not the only person who would rather eat their own flesh than the crud they serve. At this point I'm rambling on about their awful food when I'm not even eating it. Thank God for Chef Boy R Lisa. She's already brought me a nice salad some avocado and ham for dinner and is coming back to have dinner with me later.
      So Here I am writing this blog on my phone which is not as easy as one would think. The freaking screen is tiny and the voice to text app seems to have been developed by a hair lip! Stupid thing seems to only understand one out of every 10 words. I've already finished one Sidney Sheldon novel and I'm halfway through a 950 page Tom Clancy novel.

Jen brought me a puzzle book and the lovely Lisa brought me a crossword puzzle book, so I have a lot of distractions to pass the timeand occupy my mind.
      Thanks again for all the good thoughts and allowing me this forum to vent. On the upside with the weight I've lost over the last couple of years I might be able to fit into a regulation sized coffin. I was thinking about being cremated but that was when I thought they were going to have to bury me in a piano case!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Paying the Piper.

December 5th 2015
     Well Ollie, you've done it again! Time to reap the crops I've sown. The pigeons come home to roost and the Piper must be paid. I quit smoking 8 years ago. I changed my diet completely 20 months ago, I lost more than 50 pounds of ugly fat without having to cut my head off! Yet still I'm sitting on the edge of a hospital bed staring out at a slate grey sky contemplating my mortality for the fourth time in ten years.

     As always the lovely Lisa is by my side offering me comfort when she should be up skiing at Cypress Mountain with Michele and Bro Steve. Last years passes went largely unused as there was no snow.

      I arrived at the Emergency room last night at about 7 with My chest tight as a drum and my jaw and shoulder aching. We arrived at emergency just after five ambulances with victims from a motor vehicle accident. Fortunately, for me, heart issues supersede the occasional broken bones. One of the individuals was a five year old girl unhurt and telling anyone and everyone about the crash as loud as a five year old girl can. That's somewhere between an Air raid siren and the foghorn they blow at Canuck games when they score a goal...anyone remember that sound? The poor kid and her Mom had to be cut out of the car. The girl without a mark on her. At any rate I digress.
      I was comfortably in bed in the emergency ward within the hour. It was busy and honestly, I was hoping they were going to put me in the Tim Hortons. I could have went for a cuppa Jo and a jelly donut!
     The lovely Lisa headed for home about 9:30 with the promise to be back before 3 a.m. right after she left they took me down for chest xrays and an ECG. When I got back to my cubicle I quickly nodded off. When I woke up at 2:30 a.m. there was the lovely Lisa sitting by the side of my bed. Stayed with me for about an hour and then I convinced her that I needed to sleep and so did she.

As you can see, I'm in good spirits and though I'm a bit scared of what is coming down the line l have been through this 3 times before so there are no surprises but the last time was no fun. My first angioplasty I was awake and watched them move the wire into my heart and insert the stent. I was laughing and joking with the doctors while this was happening. The second angioplasty we had to use an attachment called a cutter to remove the build up of plaque in my arteries. I was awake for that one as well but I was neither laughing or joking. My third trip to the operating room was the worst! Up until then they had inserted the wire through the femoral artery in the groin. Halfway through the procedure I was in such pain I was not able to stay still on the operating table. Not the ideal situation when they're in the process of sticking a wire into your heart. They had to remove the wire from my groin put me under and go in through my wrist corsage! I've already asked the cardiologist Dr Leung to go through the wrist, knock me unconscious and don't wake me up until I'm healed.
      The nurses are amazing here, both in the Emergency and on the Ward. By the way, one of my early nicknames was "Mental" Ward. It didn't last for long as I soon graduated to Psycho Ward after an unfortunate incident involving an asshole and a pool cue.
      My nurse today is a tiny Phillapina named Rowena. Kind and gentle as long as you do what she says. Otherwise she's mean as a snake!
     They moved me up at 8:30 this morning and tried to feed me what passes for breakfast in the hospital. Food fit for a King! Here King. Come on boy, powdered eggs and oatmeal!!Yummy!
      I saw the Cardiologist about 11:00. I'm fucked! I definitely have another blockage. They're going to try to fit me in today but in all probability I won't have the procedure until next Monday. Until then???? I have no pain so I won't even get any of the good drugs!
      The lovely Lisa brought me a nice salad some pork loin and some fruit. I already have half the nurses on the Ward coming by for the wisecracking giant guy! I hope I'm still cracking them up come Tuesday.
     Oh yeah it was my friend Ian's birthday the other day and I never got around to wishing him the best. Keep on rocking Dude when I get right I'm coming to jam with you!
     So that's where I'm at. Putting on a brave face but really I'm scared shitless. My father died on the operating table at 58 years old. The same age I am now. I know that's not relevant, yet it weighs heavy on my mind.

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

Paying the Piper.

December 5th 2015
     Well Ollie, you've done it again! Time to reap the crops I've sown. The pigeons come home to roost and the Piper must be paid. I quit smoking 8 years ago. I changed my diet completely 20 months ago, I lost more than 50 pounds of ugly fat without having to cut my head off! Yet still I'm sitting on the edge of a hospital bed staring out at a slate grey sky contemplating my mortality for the fourth time in ten years.

     As always the lovely Lisa is by my side offering me comfort when she should be up skiing at Cypress Mountain with Michele and Bro Steve. Last years passes went largely unused as there was no snow.

      I arrived at the Emergency room last night at about 7 with My chest tight as a drum and my jaw and shoulder aching. We arrived at emergency just after five ambulances with victims from a motor vehicle accident. Fortunately, for me, heart issues supersede the occasional broken bones. One of the individuals was a five year old girl unhurt and telling anyone and everyone about the crash as loud as a five year old girl can. That's somewhere between an Air raid siren and the foghorn they blow at Canuck games when they score a goal...anyone remember that sound? The poor kid and her Mom had to be cut out of the car. The girl without a mark on her. At any rate I digress.
      I was comfortably in bed in the emergency ward within the hour. It was busy and honestly, I was hoping they were going to put me in the Tim Hortons. I could have went for a cuppa Jo and a jelly donut!
     The lovely Lisa headed for home about 9:30 with the promise to be back before 3 a.m. right after she left they took me down for chest xrays and an ECG. When I got back to my cubicle I quickly nodded off. When I woke up at 2:30 a.m. there was the lovely Lisa sitting by the side of my bed. Stayed with me for about an hour and then I convinced her that I needed to sleep and so did she.

As you can see, I'm in good spirits and though I'm a bit scared of what is coming down the line l have been through this 3 times before so there are no surprises but the last time was no fun. My first angioplasty I was awake and watched them move the wire into my heart and insert the stent. I was laughing and joking with the doctors while this was happening. The second angioplasty we had to use an attachment called a cutter to remove the build up of plaque in my arteries. I was awake for that one as well but I was neither laughing or joking. My third trip to the operating room was the worst! Up until then they had inserted the wire through the femoral artery in the groin. Halfway through the procedure I was in such pain I was not able to stay still on the operating table. Not the ideal situation when they're in the process of sticking a wire into your heart. They had to remove the wire from my groin put me under and go in through my wrist corsage! I've already asked the cardiologist Dr Leung to go through the wrist, knock me unconscious and don't wake me up until I'm healed.
      The nurses are amazing here, both in the Emergency and on the Ward. By the way, one of my early nicknames was "Mental" Ward. It didn't last for long as I soon graduated to Psycho Ward after an unfortunate incident involving an asshole and a pool cue.
      My nurse today is a tiny Phillapina named Rowena. Kind and gentle as long as you do what she says. Otherwise she's mean as a snake!
     They moved me up at 8:30 this morning and tried to feed me what passes for breakfast in the hospital. Food fit for a King! Here King. Come on boy, powdered eggs and oatmeal!!Yummy!
      I saw the Cardiologist about 11:00. I'm fucked! I definitely have another blockage. They're going to try to fit me in today but in all probability I won't have the procedure until next Monday. Until then???? I have no pain so I won't even get any of the good drugs!
      The lovely Lisa brought me a nice salad some pork loin and some fruit. I already have half the nurses on the Ward coming by for the wisecracking giant guy! I hope I'm still cracking them up come Tuesday.
     Oh yeah it was my friend Ian's birthday the other day and I never got around to wishing him the best. Keep on rocking Dude when I get right I'm coming to jam with you!
     So that's where I'm at. Putting on a brave face but really I'm scared shitless. My father died on the operating table at 58 years old. The same age I am now. I know that's not relevant, yet it weighs heavy on my mind.

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all