Squatch and Lisa's excellent adventure

June 15, 2015

      As our East Coast vacation nears it's end I find I am running out of juice. I have been having a recurring issue with a cramp in my left calf. I have no idea why it's happening or why it seems to be so isolated but it's really pissing me off! It's not a constant thing, it comes and goes. It's most noticeable when I walk on the loose sand of the beautiful beaches down at the Jersey Shore. It may have to do with the 95 degree and 90% humidity that they enjoy in New Jersey this time of year. I'm losing moisture at a tremendous rate and no amount of hydration seems to make a difference. I'm going through 3 or 4 shirts a day and taking multiple showers. I'm so hot and wet you could cook lobster in the crack of my ass! If it continues when we get home I'll go see my doctor. For now I'll put on my big boy pants and tough it out.
      Like today. We went and played Pitch n Putt Golf  at the course in Bridgewater.

It's a nine hole 1000 yard course with elevated greens attached to their full Championship Course. There was not a trace of wind on the course or any other golfers for that matter and by the third hole I was a soggy mess. The lovely Lisa was all hot and wet as well but it looks good on her!. Kind of sexy! Think Flashdance! The lovely Lisa started off well winning the first 3 holes but then she fell apart as the heat and humidity rose. At one point the lovely Lisa had her shoes of and her feet in a puddle left over from last nights thunderstorm. It took us a little over an hour to do the round with a couple of extra holes and plenty of sitting in the shade. The lovely Lisa was struggling by the end which is probably why I won the skins game even though I never stuck a green. I hit a few but even on the Pitch n Putt the greens were perfect and faster than Lance Armstrong on Red Bull. I have never been so happy to be in the clubhouse. The airconditioned clubhouse! They are on well water at the course and it was ice cold and delicious.
      When Auntie Janice picked us up we went looking for a pair of sneakers for me. At the first store there was nothing I wanted but the lovely Lisa found a nice pair of Silver sandal/hooker heels. They sell a lot more half sizes down here than they do back home. I found a pair of Fila sneakers I liked for $30. The house in Bridgewater has central air and we spent the rest of the afternoon basking in the artificial air. Tonight was Pizza night.

Sausage

Cheese

Uncle Charlie gets home from work about 7 so at 6:45 we ordered the pizza's from a place in Somerville about 5 minutes away.

Waiting for permission

 I made a big Squatch Salad and we steamed broccoli from the garden. The pizza here is so much better than Vancouver pizza. The crust and the cheese are the big differences. Must be the water. A couple of slices, 2 bowls of Squatch salad  and at least half the garden fresh broccoli later we took our evening constitutional at Duke Farms so Uncle Charlie could play in the dirt .

Uncle Charlie playing in the dirt

We had 45 minutes until sunset and it goes down quick out here. Uncle Charlie Andretti is right up there with an 18 year old kid driving a Porsche his Dad gave him and Tijuana Taxi drivers. We made the 15 minute trip in 8 minutes. It's quite the set up they have going.

Pea picking freaks

All of the plots are occupied with Uncle Charlie and Auntie Janice's among the most prolific and lush. We have been eating so much fresh from their garden it has inspired me to plant lettuce. When you pick it from the lettuce barrel, wash it and make a tuna wrap. I just started to salivate. I just made a salami lettuce wrap with chedder. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long?
      The garden have a couple of semi-permanent guests in the form of two female Killdeer who have made themselves at home in the cedar mulch of the garden beds.

Killdeer Moma

If you get too close she puffs herself up as big as she can and screams at you to scare you away.

Beat it asshole!!

I got some good pics because I have long arms. The second Bird was a little too used to people.

Not too worried

4 egg omelet?

I had to poke her with a stick to get her going! Just kidding!! Sheesh!
      When we got home we watched the Blue Jays lose to the Mets, again! Canada's Women tie with Netherlands. After Canada, I cheer for whichever team has girls with boobs. That might just be me? Then I watched the Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup while Uncle Charlie slept on the coach and Auntie Janice, the lovely Lisa and Cousin Laura solved the worlds problems, all the result of  men not listening! To women!! I ended up watching a bad movie "John Carter" and then watched a news show because I wanted to know more about the shark attacks. They kept showing the blurb until the end of the show because they know we're a blood thirsty bunch! Auntie Janice sat up waiting for the story with me. Escaped convicts, Hillary bashing, Black on Black violence everything but Shark attacks!! All that other shit happens every day!
      When they finally get to the shark story it's a picture of a girl all wrapped up that they show from three different angles and a 2 minute interview with a guy who makes his living filming sharks!! Needless too say, in his expert opinion, those teenagers should not have been having fun in waist deep water in the 90 degree heat. What a Twat!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all