Elvis has left the building!

July 5th 2018 

The King... Elvis Buttmunch Jr
December 26, 2001- July 5, 2018

       More than 16 years ago a 3 month old, 3 pound fluffy ball of energy named Elvis landed on our doorstep so Dr Dan and the family could take a vacation for three weeks. 

He never did finish that bone.

While away they had a flood that caused a further delay in the return of Elvis. Meanwhile back at Casa Lisa, Elvis was tormenting our 12 year old dog, Sammy Buttmunch Jr, back to life. While the lovely Lisa and I were preparing for our wedding Elvis was creating an inseparable bond with Sammy. After a stretch of several months we decided that Elvis was best with us and Dr Dan agreed.

Tougher than a Lion

      At our wedding in June at the age of 6 months Elvis became, unknown to the lovely Lisa and I, the center of attention. Apparently he got hold of some form of 420 edibles and was totally wack a doodle. I know that they say a dog never forgets a smell and I know that Elvis and Sammy have consumed these things at least three times. One time at a party he was whacked and the lovely Lisa had me take him to the Vet across the road from our house.The Vet asked me, after looking in Elvis's eyes "Has he had any access to Marauana?" I said there was a party going on and yes...maybe, probably. "Your dog is very very stoned!" "What's the deal ?" I asked. "We'll keep him overnight, hook him up to an IV so he doesn't dehydrate and he should be good to go in the morning $650.00" I looked down at Elvis and I said to the Vet "I've been way higher than that! and took him home where he not only survived but at least twice more indulged in 420 edibles. I think he might have liked them?

       Another trip to the Vet was when he got hit in the head by a Bocce ball. He was knocked out cold and did a little funky chicken before he staggered to his feet.The lovely Lisa ran across the street to the Vet, Elvis in one hand and the offending Bocce ball in the other. The ball weighed more than Elvis. Thankfully it was a glancing blow and other than a headache and the Vet trying to sell me a 1/4 aspirin for $6 Elvis was back to himself in a couple of hours. 

       Years of fighting with squirrels and rats kept him young and fit and he had no other issues until this year when he had a tooth issue that required surgery.

       Elvis and Sammy became best buddies and Sammy ended up living another 8 years. We decided that we would never have one dog again and after 2 months we brought home Princess Nutmeg. 

The lovely Lisa, Princess Nutmeg and Elvis Buttmunch Jr at Spanish Banks

Elvis was not impressed. As a matter of fact he was downright mean to her. He wanted nothing to do with her but just like he did with Sammy she tormented him into loving her. We had so many adventures and so many good times. He was a regular at Mama Lee's care facility where all the ladies would dote on him because we all know, "Everybody loves Elvis". So many days at Buntzen lake.

So many sunsets at Spanish Banks where Elvis would live up to his reputation as a cranky old man. "Get off my lawn" he would bark at any dog that looked like they were having fun! Then, regardless of the size of the dog Elvis would fly after him like he owned the beach. 

At Spanish Banks waiting on the Sunset

He was a warm, loving wee man who gave the lovely Lisa, myself and all who knew him unconditional and never ending love.

         Today at 11:15 am we let him off his leash for the last time. With the help of his longtime Vet Dr  Judith we said our final goodbyes. Though our hearts are heavy we have been blessed to be able to share his brief time on this planet with him. We know that he felt loved right up until the end. Elvis lives on in our hearts and our minds and in the song that he inspired.

He wasn't just a good Dog, he was the Bestest Dog ever!

Color me pedicurious!

January 26th 2018

      As I sit here in an oversized massaging chair set to stun. It occurred to me that I have never seen another man in here.

I'm sure I'm not the only guy who gets pedicures. I once even suggested to the owner, who runs the place, that he should do a Sunday NFL Pedicures promotion. Watch the game while getting a manipedi sipping beer from a plastic cup. Maybe buy a hotdog or a bag of peanuts. They have a big screen TV with CTV news channel on. How hard would it be to put the Seahawks game on? Oh, here's Helen Jedi Toe Master. The point I'm trying to make is toes have no gender. They are toes! Most everyone has them and happy feet, along with a happy wife are the secret to a happy life.

All the girls at the salon are Vietnamese Helen came to Canada when she was 4 years old. She grew up here and is fluent in 3 languages not including being a toe whisperer. For the third time in a row they put me in a chair the furthest from the door. I asked the owner if it was so my ugly feet wouldn't scare away the walk in traffic. He laughed and laughed which was weird because I make jokes all the time and he just stares at me and nods his head. 40 minutes later, all pedicured. I bade Helen Jedi Toe Master and Professional Nails at the Lougheed Mall farewell till next time. 

      I highly recommend Professsional Nails at the Lougheed Mall and Helen Jedi Toe Master in particular for a quality pedicure. If your a guy who works on his feet go get a pedicure! You'll never go back to nail clippers. And it probably won't make you gay. unless your already leaning that way not that there's anything wrong with that!

That's all I've got

Till next time

Peace out Y'all

Happy Birthday Squatchy!

January 14th 2018

At the party at our house the lovely Lisa took 12 pictures...9 of Nutmeg

                               🎵 Happy Birthday Toooooo Meeeeee 🎵 Happy Birthday Toooooo Meeeeee 🎵 Happy Birthday 🎵 Happy Birthday 🎵 Happy Birthday 🎵Toooooo 🎵Meeeeee!🎵
      Thanks for all the Birthday wishes I had a wonderful Birthday Weekend spent surrounded by people I love. My daughter Jennifer and her husband Christian, my Grandkids, Isabella and Christopher and so many of my musical friends and food, way too much food. And I'm not talking celery sticks and low fat dip I'm talking apple pie and ice cream, deep fried delectibles and Birthday cake and ice cream...... twice! Oh yeah and a kidney stone!
      It was the one downside to an otherwise fabulous weekend. I had plans! There was no way I was going to let an object the size of a flea bring me to my knees, though it came close a couple of times. For me it mostly feels like someone is pushing their thumb into my lower back punctuated by mind searing jags of excruciating pain at the most inappropriate moments! None the less in the true tradition of the theater, the show must go on! By the way, I passed the stone about 4 am Monday morning. I would like to say if you can find a Newfie Doctor I highly recommend them. My Dr's prescription for kidney stones...one beer, two water, repeat till you pass the stone. I went straight beer, Bud light, I drink it because it's like sex in a canoe... fucking near water! I didn't think about it until Sunday fortunately there was some orphaned beers in the fridge. I'll come back to that.
      My Birthday weekend started on Friday. We had planned on having dinner at Taqueria Tropical on 6th in New West, there was a 40 minute wait. Not happening! Two doors down we met Willy and Annie at the Rivers Reach. Most fortuitous since there wasn't a table open in the joint! We wrangled up a couple of stools and joined them and their friends Mike and Teresa at the tiny bar stool height tables. It was very cozy. Willy and Annie left just before our food arrived. Mike and Teresa are nice people heading down to Mexico for the first time. Pleasant conversation and my beef dip was beefy and dippable! Is that a real word?
      We headed to Ukelinda's for a music party to celebrate our friend Rhianna's birthday. Bro Steve and Mark and Lea where already there when we wandered in an hour and a half late. The Ukelelians were there in full force. Suekelele, Maxelele and Wendelele with her way cool bass, the strings look like cartoon strings, it sounds great and Wendelele plays it really well. It was an excellent party. I saw people that I see all the time and also people I only see at these types of parties. All fine and talented humans creating joyful sounds with like minded people.Three hours later, with a head full of  slightly fuzzy, herbal induced memories and a belly full of appies and Birthday cake......with ice cream the lovely Lisa drove us home. I guess when I think about it the ice cream might have been the healthiest thing in that sentence. We were up until about 3 am. That's incredibly late for The lovely Lisa. She's often starting work at that time! What a trooper. When I asked if she wanted to go she would say "It's your Birthday weekend. Whatever you want."

Go Eagles

          I  was watching the Eagles game resplendent in my Eagles jersey when it happened. It seemed like I barely had a cup of Jo poured when the Grandkids poured into the house like ants on a donut! "Happy Birthday Eve Papa, Where's Nutmeg? Can we go play with Matty?" Bella sat with Nutmeg on her lap for a while.  I watched the end of the Eagles game then switched to the Raptors game after the Eagles victory. Jen and the lovely Lisa did I don't know, nor do I care, what.         
      Watching a sporting event with Christian is a blast. He is so in to the action his and facial expressions and energy so animated it is as entertaining as the game. Raptors lost to Golden State by 2 points in a great game against the best team in the NBA and the Eagles won! Yay.
       At this point the kids where running around playing laser tag. More than a little annoying. They basically stood two feet away from each other pulling the trigger repeatedly so the chest sensor would make a particularly annoying sound for 5 seconds. It was the shortest game of laser tag ever, Papa Squatch brought the hammer down hard and booted them outside. It was cold and wet up here. It was a short game of laser tag.
      The lovely Lisa always the hostess started bringing out food. Tuna and avocado on fresh sourdough baguette, nuts, a cheese platter, fruit plate and  buns for the ham she had cooked. She also made hotdogs for the Grandkids. We were having a few people over this evening and Jen and Christian were not staying for the song circle. We had a great visit and a great day full of sports viewing. They left as people started showing up. We will do our annual pilgrimage to Denny's for my free breakfast tomorrow.
      I set up a circle of chairs in the living room with a microphone in the center and one by one everybody had the opportunity to choose and perform a song. Only the choosers voice was amplified.the rest of us accompanying and singing along.

We had Gerry and his sax and Mark with his Mandolin. Ukelinda and Suekelele were representing the Ukelelians. We had congas and drums and tambourines. Multiple guitars, Big Bill Frew and his lady friend Charlee, who has a fantastic voice, kept things country. The Martina McBride cover they did was excellent. Originals by Myself, Lea and Mark as well as covers of all genres. Willy Curley sang including an acapella version of Living Doll with Julia.

I had a great time and as most old guy events, it ended at midnight!

     The lovely Lisa and I foraged/tidied up before going to bed. While the lovely Lisa was doing the dishes and putting away the used food for later consumption, I was filling my pie hole with, well....pie! Lea brought an apple pie made from apples off their own tree. I believed it was my
Hostly, another made up word, duty to consume the afore mentioned pie so obviously made with extra love! Oh how the human mind can so easily justify bad behaviour. I nibbled my way through cleanup and collapsed into bed back of 2 am.
      "They just left Maple Ridge." were the first words I heard when I woke up on the first day of my 62nd year on planet earth. Followed immediatly by "Happy Birthday Honey" and a kiss. We have a family tradition.

On our Birthdays we go to Denny's for our free birthday brekkie. To be honest we only ever go to Denny's on someone's Birthday.

Jen and the Grandkids at Denny's

      I'm not sure if it's a family thing or a Scottish thing! "Yoo canny get no better than free ya daft bastards!"  That theory falls apart when the cheque comes for the other five people. The Grandkids gave me their handmade Birthday cards which got forgotten at Denny's and a couple of gifts. More slippers! Yay! I have a bit of a slipper fetish.
      After breakfast we had a short visit back at the house before the Chef Boy R Lisa and I went to do her work shop at Stuporstore. With the PVR recording the football game we had the shop done inside of an hour. Now I don't have to watch the commercials. I settled in to watch the game Pittsburgh started off like a replay of the Tortise and the Hare. The Jaguars totally dominated the first half. The Steelers came back hard. Scoring every time they touched the ball. The Jags were a head by less than a single score with the Steelers moving the ball... that's when the PVR ended. There were two more scores and Jacksonville won 45-42 which I didn't find out until sports center at 11!
      The lovely Lisa was in bed about 6 pm with a wakeup call at 1:15 am. I had planned to go down to Roos Pub in Coquitlam Center for the jam but my stones were rolling and instead I pounded beer until I produced a near steady stream of slightly alcoholic urine! I must have peed twenty times including 4 am when I finally passed the stone.
        Not much in the way of pictures. Hopefully my flowery prose puts a picture in your mind. If it does try to make me younger and better looking!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

Goodbye 2017... Hello 2018

January 4th 2018

      I'm quite impressed with my self. I've done three blogs and filled out two forms and put the right date on each of them! I will admit I caught the 2017 in the first blog of the year when I previewed it. Back in the olden times when people wrote cheques to pay their bills it seems I would always have one or two sent back because they were a year old. Now with auto this, and auto that and of course the lovely Lisa making sure that Casa Lisa is flying straight. She's a Gal with a plan! I'm just along for the ride!

      Speaking of rides. 2017 was a typical year in the lives of the lovely Lisa and myself. Lets start with the losses. We lost Halloween. For the first time in our relationship the lovely Lisa and I were too ill to do Halloween. I had pnuemonia and the lovely Lisa had bronchitis. Halloween is our favorite holiday. I was sick for about six weeks. 

.

Creepy the Clown

      We were saddened with the passing of Uncle Paul Garden Gnome. A kind man who lived an ecentric lifestyle. He was always good to the lovely Lisa and I and he will be missed.

Uncle Paul Garden Gnome

        We had a busy travel year with two trips back east to New Jersey the first time to celebrate Papa Dawgs 80th birthday. We flew into Newark, picked up the rental car and made the two hour drive up to Montague NJ where Papa Dawg lives with his girlfriend Joan. We call her Saint Joan of Montague for putting up with Papa Dawg! I know that people feel the same way about the lovely Lisa and I, but I don't see it. We had a nice visit with Uncle Paul Garden Gnome and said we would see him again before we left. We never did and we never saw him again. 

      We had a great time at Papa Dawgs 80th ten or so of Papa Dawgs friends. When you get to 80 your peer group shrinks dramatically. The lovely Lisa did the catering and Joan of Montague was the picture of the perfect hostess. 

Papa Dawg 80 years old and still rockin!

Saint Joan of Montague

     The lovely Lisa and I took the train into Manhattan where we stayed with Cousin Squidly at his place in Mid Town Manhattan. three minutes from Central Park and ten minutes from Times Square. We were tourists of the first degree. Staten Island ferry, Little Italy, 911 memorial and of course Times Square.

The Statue of Lisa

The Statue of Liberty

Cousin Squidly

A beach feast at Cape May

     From there we hooked up with the Deckers and had a family reunion in Cape May the southern most point of the Jersey Show. Almost everyone was there. Uncle Charlie and Auntie Janice, Dr Dan and Liz with Julia, Papa Dawg left the confines of Montague because Saint Joan of Montague was in Florida taking care of her son Joe, and Cousin Squidly and Laura The Blade as well as Bro Steve and his friend Paul showed up for the weekend. Big fun at Cape May.

On the beach with Papa Dawg

Uncle Charlie and Dr Dan boogie boarding and scaring the crap out of Julia

On the porch with Auntie Janice and Uncle Charlie

      I have my whole year out of order. I should have started with my 60th birthday bash at the Heritage Grill. Lots of people, lots of fun, lots of music. 

     Then in May the lovely Lisa and I joined the Murray-Devlin Alaska Cruise. A great time with wonderful people.

Squatch, Stuser, Karen. Meaghan, Bobbi, Bob and the lovely Lisa

      We went on Holland America for the second time and I would recommend them to any one. There were lots of activities on board and plenty of time on shore. The time at sea at the Hubbard Glacier was amazing. The first week in May and the weather was fantastic. We all got together for team trivia and won a couple of times and we met every night in the dining room were the food was beautiful and the service first class. Besides the two Gala Nights we all dressed for dinner every night. The Ladies were all beautiful and all the Gentlemen looked dapper in jackets and ties. I wore one to dinner every night and even kept it on while dancing up a storm.

The Trivials

Meaghan and Everly

Shrimp Cocktail as many as you want!

Daryl and Braxton

       After the dining room the lovely Lisa would change into a party dress. I'll stop here for a moment to tell you about luggage on a cruise ship. You can bring as much as you want, The lovely Lisa brought 14 evening dresses, some were cocktail dresses some were gowns all of them were gorgeous and of course a seperate suitcase for shoes and bags 4 suitcases in all. I had a carry on, a garment bag for my three jackets and my backpack. Not a lot of storage in an interior cabin, or a window for that matter. I figured the only time we would be in the cabin would be to change clothes and sleep. That would be incorrect. It was like sleeping in a coffin only surrounded by empty suitcases. Next time I'll spring for a window!  Any ways The lovely Lisa would put on a shimmering party dress before we would go to the piano bar and then to the B B King Lounge where they had a smokin hot R&B Band.

The lovely Lisa ready for the night club

At the Glacier. Note the people in the pool

More Hubbard Glacier

The Boys

The Girls

At the Gala

      After the cruise we went to Jersey but I already told you about that. So next up was a wedding. A surprise wedding. Dr Dan had been seeing a wonderful woman Doctor from Baltimore for about a year her name is Liz and I got to know her better over the Easter weekend when she stayed with us and met Dr Dans daughter Julia for the first time. 

      On a Thursday night we got a call from Dr Dan "I'm marrying Liz next Tuesday at Spanish Banks...Can you make it? The lovely Lisa took the day off, we got Mama Lee into a handidart and down to Spanish Banks where a JP completed the ceremony that binds two people together witnessed by a small group of family, friends and a couple of bikers in spandex who stopped for no apparent reason. It was a perfect day. Bro Steve and I played our guitars and Jon an old friend of the family sang a Dutch wedding song. We had a reception at a joint on the harbor. We have a new sister in law and couldn't be happier about it. I don't know if she'll read this but if you do Liz, welcome to the family.

Dr Dan and Liz

Wedding Music at Spanish Banks

Joan, Liz, Dr Dan, the lovely Lisa, Jon and Mama Lee in the middle

      Then the summer got really busy. The first thing was the phone call from Papa Dawg telling us that Uncle Paul Garden Gnome had terminal cancer. They said he had only six or eight months. So we booked a trip back to New Jersey for American Thanksgiving with Papa Dawg and Joan of Montague and to say goodbye to Uncle Paul Garden Gnome. 

      Then we swung right into wedding number two. My daughter Jennifer and her husband Christian were married in Puerto Vallarta nine years ago. They decided to renew their vows in the catholic church this summer. I put on my fire retardant underwear so as not to burst into flames! The ceremony was pretty quick for a catholic thing. The reception was held in a different church hall that had no air conditioning. I was melting so I changed out of my suit and put on shorts and a Hawaiin shirt. My daughter lost her mind. "We haven't finished taking pictures yet. You still have to dance with me!" She said in a voice that made me feel sorry for Christian. It was a really good reception Jennifer had hired a Mariaci band for Christian the DJ was hot but not as hot as that room. As soon as the speeches were done and the DJ was playing. Every one was dancing.... outside on the lawn with the doors open. Christian's Mother and his brother Mario were here from Mexico and a whole flock of McDonalds descended on the west coast from Ontario. I can't find my pictures from Jen's wedding. You will just have to take my word that it happened. Same with Squatchapalisa XV.
      The next weekend was Squatchapalisa XV. Fifty pounds of meat was turned on a spit till perfection. Bill Taylor set up a kickass PA and I have to tell you I was in awe of the talent my friends have. The music went late. The potluck dishes were amazing and around 100 like minded souls filled the yard, the house and both decks were filled with peace and love. That's because our party was a 60's theme. Such a good time.
      Three weeks later we were in Vegas with our friends Andy and Mary. The highlights were the Collective Soul Concert on Freemont Street. The pool with the shark tank water slide at the Golden Nugget and the Heart Attack Grill.

Mary and Andy

The pool and shark tahk at the Golden nugget

The lovely Lisa through the shark tank

      All the times I went to Vegas I would take a picture of the outside of the Heart Attack Grill but we never went in. This time we did. What a blast. Hospital gowns on entry and everything on the menu is bad for you. It was as good a burger as I have ever had. I had a single 1/2 pound of burger. Andy had a double it was as big as his head! The waitresses are all dressed in sexy nurse costumes and if you don't finish your burger you get paddled. There was a line up of guys waiting to get spanked by the cutey pie Nurses! The noise and energy in the place is amazing. When goofy homemade videos of his staff doing burger things aren't playing, they turn down the volume so people can do Kareoke. If you weigh more than 350 pounds you eat for free. You go up on stage onto the giant scale and it shows up in giant numbers above your head. While we were there two 400 pounders got free burgers. I felt tiny at 295!

Our little person waitress was a real sweetie

Dinner for four?

See, big as his head

      Our last trip was for Thanksgiving in New Jersey with Papa Dawg and Joan of Montague. Like I said earlier They had given Uncle Paul Garden Gnome 6 - 8 months. He never made it two. We hung out in Montague with Joan and Papa Dawg for a couple of days then drove down to Bergenfeld to see Uncle Pauls kids and his ex wife. We looked at old pictures and talked about old times. I had met Kurt before but was meeting Brett and Opal for the first time. A couple of hours later we were back in Montague for Thanksgiving. Just the four of us and a really big ham. I sat around playing guitar with Papa Dawg for a day or two then we took a bite out of the big apple! Okay, maybe just a nibble.. 
           We were running out of time. We had only two full days left. We drove down to Uncle Charlies place in Bridgewater and got up early to catch the train into Penn Station Cousin Squidly was working so we were left to our own devices. We did all the Christmas windows at Saks and Macy's rode the train out to Flushing Queens for chinese dumplings. Then after Rockefeller Center we met up with Squidly and his girl Julia. We went to a pizza joint that is famous but who's name I can't remember. The pizza was great the conversation was good and Julia was charming. What's she doing with Squidly? lol! I'm kidding. Cousin Squidly is a great kid. Not that he's a kid anymore. He is however still great.
      That was the last trip of the year
      It's been interesting around here too. The lovely Lisa and I took up Kayaking and with Bro Steve and Michelle with one L we spent many sunny days paddling on the local rivers. We are both looking forward to the spring.
      Gramma Lisa has both the Grandkids skiing. We buy them passes and gear up on Cypress Mountain for the last few years. They are both naturals and just love the time they get to spend with Gramma Lisa.
      We had visits from a couple of Black Bears and a regular invasion of Raccoons. The hummingbirds were humming and a coyote was hanging around for a week or so.
       In sports the Blue Jays were sucking, the Lions played like a bunch of pussies, the Canuckle heads were knuckleheads, The Raptors were the Craptors once they got to the playoffs and the Seahawks went out without a Squawk. What I'm trying to say is find out who I'm supporting and go for the other guys!
      Christmas was Christmas. 28 for dinner. After dinner song circle and turkey everything for a week.
      I can't even begin to list the Jams and Open Mics I went to, nor would you want me to. I played with some amazing musicians and made some good friends.

And Oh yeah, I found Jesus.......He was at a party in Deep Cove

With a little luck and a lot of love for each other I'm sure that 2018 will be the best year ever!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all